A cruel reality. A harsh world. And a weak individual.
My contrived view of me in the world as it is now. It tells of despair, of futility, of haplessness; or is it just me? Is the unbecoming world, or the obstinate self who refuses to adapt to the challenges of life? Is the inherent nature of things or is it my refusal of acceptance?
What a disappointing year it has been for me. It may not be disappointing at all in others' eyes; but to such an ambitious perfectionist, it is but a year without glamour; it is so mired in mediocrity that causes him to hold back, apprehensive about that next step to take, and castigating himself for all the steps wasted.
First it was OSAP. Then SSEF. The list runs along. Should I convince myself that it was my lack of good luck, not because of my inability? Should I give excuses and try to play down the initial emotions upon knowing that i didnt get into any of these? Or Should I be worried of the future implications, about how tough is it to get into any of the universities i want to get in, and how an effort of mine is tainted by the setbacks i have faced?
Definitely my life isn't that bleak yet; I still have my friends. I have met many awesome people this year, and also some whom i find peace in when confiding and sharing my feelings. I should be grateful for their endless encouragement, their unmoving optimism, despite my stolid pessimism. I thank you all, especially those few whom i always talk to.
With the grace from God, hope is not all lost: I have still things to aim for. XD Google science fair and IChO. The will to power is crucial; i should stop dwelling on my past mistakes and leap forward as i have never done before. I am hoping that it can last.
A sense of optimism. At last. For the time being. At least.
I think a common trait of all RI guys is the inability to accept failure. Nobody is going to succeed forever in their life. What's wrong with the occasional disappointment?
ReplyDeleteDon't blame yourself for being academically incompetent. Sometimes academics isn't everything. Do you truly believe that the people who got into OSAP were accepted because they are better at acads than you are? Maybe it's not the case. Maybe it's about you as a person on the whole and not just your acads. You guys all focus on acads too much sometimes, to the extent that you get too competitive, and ruthlessly so.
I don't know. I'm not making sense now. But really, all of you must learn to accept failure sometimes just as it is; it's not about forgetting it, or dwelling on it. Just...accept it and know why it is there.